please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
