Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
