I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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