I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
its not stalking. its research.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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