i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
