Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
