it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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