Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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