I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
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