your room smells of hookers.
And success
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
