I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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