i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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