Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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