i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Randomize
