Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The struggles of a small town man whore
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
