just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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