so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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