You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I think people are normalizing furries
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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