I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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