Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
