Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
