hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
