Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
