You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize