youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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