Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
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