spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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