she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
