When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
