I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
