Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize