I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
