her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
