ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
