yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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