Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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