it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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