That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
