i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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