with your own penis?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
