South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
