You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
