i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
