I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I look excited, but its just a facade.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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