Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
