I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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