Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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