I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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