Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
