Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize