just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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