bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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