I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
