At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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