Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
