who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
