last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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