You're completely useless in the revolution.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
