So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
