When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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