last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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