you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
