Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
