Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
