She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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